Agape (A gathering of women)

More than a shoulder to cry on: The surprising benefits of friendship.

The Rev. Pamela Henry Fahrner — Thu, 19 Apr 2012 18:06:25 +0000

We all know the benefits of friendship-right? But do you know that researchers have found that women are hardwired to crave close friendships and that these bonds can provide us with unique benefits? Mountains become molehills, stress feels more manageable, and disease becomes less deadly for women who don’t face these things alone. Come and join us to find out what researchers have discovered and join us as we focus on one of our most valuable assets, the ability to form and nurture friendships.

Now the last time I wrote you, I was trying to ascertain whether we should change our gathering days or times or frequency. I heard from a few of you and mostly heard that “We’re busy, but don’t change anything. We’ll try to make it!” One woman suggested gathering evenings and possibly quarterly, but more of you advised leaving things as they are. We’ll see. Obviously this can’t continue indefinitely if you vote by not showing up. But I was heartened by the sentiments expressed by those of you who responded. So we will go on and evaluate as we go. Please DO give me your suggestions and I will take them seriously!

Below are some stories of other women and their friendship effects. We all have our own experiences of friendship, being friends who were present when needed and on the receiving end-gratefully accepting from others when we needed helping hands or kind and uplifting words. See if these stories don’t ring true and remind you of the treasures in our lives-our friends!

God bless and I hope to see you on Saturday, April 28th at 10 at St. Matthew’s Episcopal in Oakland and…bring a friend with you,
Pam+
4-28-12 Agape Friendship

Filed under: Study Material

Pondering

The Rev. Pamela Henry Fahrner — Sat, 03 Mar 2012 17:33:57 +0000

To my dear Women of Agape,

I am puzzled. I just went to the blog site and see that 80 hits have been recorded since the 17th of February! Obviously I am heartened by your interest and recognize that some of you revisit the site to read the background material at your leisure so the numbers tell only a part of the story. The reason that I am puzzled is because in spite of the interest you show, there were only 4 of us at the last Agape Gathering. Usually there are around a dozen or so at any given Gathering. So I’m wondering if Saturdays are really the best time for our times together? Would more of you be likely to participate in person if we held the Gatherings during the week? If so, when is the best time and day? I know that I cannot come up with a time or day that would work for everyone. But it is possible that weekend Gatherings are particularly problematic. Or would quarterly Gatherings work better?

It is of course, possible that many of you prefer to participate via the internet so you can read at your convenience and in the comfort of your own home. It is also possible that, like many groups, interest is waning a bit. I probably won’t be facilitating this when I’m 80 you know! If Agape’s time is past or passing, I’m okay with that and have no desire to push this on anyone. It’s also possible that I am over-reacting to an unfortunate weekend? Since I don’t know, I must rely upon you to tell me. So please do!

Now you may wonder why I feel it’s so important to have as many as possible participate in person. The last Gathering exemplifies the reason. We talked about women in history who made significant changes to the world in which they lived and what characteristics they shared. After I led a meditiation based on Joyce Rupp’s work, a conversation of significance began. One of the women seemed to have something to say. She did speak up and said that the mediatation was uncomfortable for her in that she saw her relationship with God quite differently. We then all discussed our confused perceptions of who God is (to us as individuals) and what role God plays in our lives. We talked about our childhood visions of God and how interwoven our childish perceptions are with our grown-up attitudes. Do you see God as ever present? Do you see God as the creator? Do you see God as one who rewards you for “goodness”? Do you see God as a stern Father who knows everything? This was a very interesting conversation-particularly between women of different faith backgrounds. Since there were so few of us there, I couldn’t help but wish that more of you had been able to participate. I did nothing to lay the groundwork for this discussion. It happened because of one woman, feeling comfortable enough to speak out honestly about her faith and view of God. I am grateful to her and grateful to those of you who go to the blog site and investigate the topics.

Please help me to best facilitate this group or if the time is right, gracefully either adjust or gently close the door and turn out the lights. If you would use the “comment” feature on the blog site, we could dialogue online if schedules just do not permit person participation. There are many possibilities. Please let me know your thoughts via phone, email or by using the comment feature on the blog site.
Thank you and God bless you all,

Pam+

Filed under: Study Material

Apologies are in order…

The Rev. Pamela Henry Fahrner — Fri, 17 Feb 2012 13:21:22 +0000

as I have not posted this material sooner. If any of you have ever moved a parent into an assisted living facility (and dealt with all of the emotional and physical issues attached), you understand why I have been overwhelmed with work and details I could not have imagined! I have had friends who have done it and I truly never had a clue about the process. Well, I now know and am filled with compassion for those who have gone through it before and for those of you who will face it in the future. So-I’m sorry, sorry, sorry, but now that I can see the light at the end of the tunnel, I’m getting back to “normal” life-whatever that is!

Winter is often a time (after the holidays) of slowing down, of hunkering down-if you will-sitting by the fire, reading, catching up on postponed tasks and cooking comfort food while watching beautiful snowflakes falling in our wonderland here in Garrett County. This year however…not so much. We’ve had those occassional snow flurries and even a snow shower or two, but warmer temperatures have led to slushiness (other than our ice-coated last Gathering!) and a grayer winter than normal-at least it seems to me.

It properly sets the mood of our meditation for this Gathering, “Dry Bones” from Joyce Rupp’s book, “May I Have This Dance?” It will work for those of you who participate in Agape via the computer, by necessity or by choice as well of those who I enjoy seeing in person. We may not get through our remarkable women from last month’s frozen-out session and the Dry Bones meditation at our Gathering. But it’s worth your time to ponder the images and participate-even privately-in the lovely guided meditation that Rupp has provided. Our next Gathering isn’t until April, so this will tide you over! Enjoy, relish the images, slow down (in a good way) and reconnect with God through your mind, heart and body.

Hope to see many of you tomorrow at 10 AM at St. Matthew’s Episcopal Church in Oakland.
Agape 2-18-2012

Blessings to you all,
Pam+

Filed under: Study Material

A New Year and a Fresh Start

The Rev. Pamela Henry Fahrner — Wed, 11 Jan 2012 21:52:10 +0000

I don’t know about you, but I’ve had a few years when I took some time on NY Eve to dedicate a toast to the end of the year with a desire only to shake the dust off my shoes and move on! A new year is our opportunity to do just that. In addition to cleaning and clearing out 2011 records and getting ready for the tax season, I enjoy setting up and organizing for 2012. A fresh chance to do it all right this time! Maybe some of you don’t think of organizing, cleaning and clearing as fun, but no matter how you feel about it, it is a fresh start for all of us.
I took a look at our survey of topics of interest to you, the Women of Agape. I found that I had not spent enough time on women heroines from the past. Accordingly our background material contains accounts of some really remarkable women-courageous, effective, assertive, generous-you know, just like us! We will learn about Santa Lucia from Sweden. Queen Vashti is the earliest heroine of our study. She stood up to the King and the court in ancient Persia. Harriet Beecher Stowe’s book “Uncle Tom’s Cabin” changed the way our country viewed people different from ourselves. It seems an odd combination, but our next horoine is Dorothy Sayers, an author of mystery novels AND an apologist (one who defends faith). Anne Bradstreet was America’s first poet, a Puritan whose writings debunk the myths of the stogy, prudish Puritan. Fanny Crosby a blind woman, wrote more than 9,000 hymns! The account of Aimee Semple McPherson is fascinating and a wonder since her name is hardly known today. She was quite well known in the first part of the 20th century however. Dowload the pdf and see why! I’m sure we’ve all heard of Joan of Arc, but her story is worth reading…and pondering! Lastly, Phoebe Palmer, the Mother of the Holiness Movement. Like many of us, loss and hardship led to her deepening faith and led her to reach out to others. 25,000 Americans converted due to her efforts (and I’m pretty sure God had something to do with it!)
I have a plaque in my kitchen-which I brought to one Gathering. It says “Well Behaved Women Rarely Make History“. It is true that if we stay carefully and quietly in our “places” and behind the scenes, we will never make history. We must be willing to stand up for justice, peace, conciliation and respect for our vast contributions to our families, friends and our society.
Please plan to join me on January 21st at 10 AM at St. Matthew’s Episcopal Church in Oakland. As always, we will have hot coffee, tea and friendship in abundance. If you wish, bring munchies, but DO JOIN US!
God bless you,
Pam+
Agape 1-21-2012 Background Mat

Filed under: Study Material

Nitty Gritty

The Rev. Pamela Henry Fahrner — Mon, 17 Oct 2011 14:43:06 +0000

We all know it exists out there, but seldom talk about the “dark nights of our souls”. All of us are vulnerable human beings and whether we like it or not, are chemical beings as well. Our fragile inner selves suffer small slights and usually bounce back. But sometimes the ugly head of depression creeps into our lives. They say that depression is rampant at holiday times and more prevalent in women, so it seems appropriate to talk about this subject. I’m sending this a bit early so you will have time to read the articles I’ve scanned. As usual, most are from Real Simple with a couple from Oprah and Diane added. I hope they give you food for thought and may have some advice to help if you get a case of the holiday blues. Sometimes our expectations are so high that we are doomed to disappointment. I’m not sure that anyone had “Leave It to Beaver-Ozzie and Harriet” holidays (or lives for that matter!), so why do we keep comparing ourselves and our lives to television shows from fifty years ago?
Our discussion (and the articles) speak of depression-not just during the holidays. This is not PMS or “the change”, but a very real condition that can paralyze us. Read up and see what you think.
I look forward to seeing you on November 12th at St. Matthew’s Episcopal Church at 10 AM. Please come if you have any experience with this or if you want to learn how to be a better friend to someone who suffers from this malady. Chances are that you know several women who experience depression-whether you know it or not!
God bless you all,
Pam+
Agape 11-12-2011 Depression
IF YOU CANNOT ACCESS THE BACKGROUND MATERIAL, PLEASE LET ME KNOW BY THURSDAY, OCTOBER 20. IF IT DOESN’T COME UP WHEN YOU CLICK ON IT, YOU MIGHT TRY TO COPY AND PASTE THE LINK TO YOUR BROWSER.

Filed under: Posts by Pam, Study Material

Leaves are turning and nights are cool….must be autumn!

The Rev. Pamela Henry Fahrner — Sun, 25 Sep 2011 17:45:51 +0000

Yep, it’s coming. Autumn Glory is just around the corner and Halloween costumes are in WalMart. You know what that means don’t you? As soon as the Halloween costumes go, Christmas decorations will appear! So I thought we might take some time before we get too harried to think about what we’re about to do and why. In this year of financial stress, it’s even more important to put our time, talent and treasure where it will bring the most satisfying results. Below are posted some articles about practical ideas to save you time and money. But there are also some thought provoking articles about our values and how we spend our time. I hope that these articles will be of interest and help us all to take time to savor a bit.
Of course, I hope you will be able to join us on Saturday, October 1st at the usual time (10 AM) and the usual place (St. Matthew’s Episcopal Church in Oakland) for what I have come to expect, a lively discussion amongst the remarkable women of Garrett County!
God bless,
Pam+
Agape 10-1-11 Revised

Filed under: Study Material

Spreading the Good News

The Rev. Pamela Henry Fahrner — Sat, 20 Aug 2011 13:44:52 +0000

We don’t seem to hear much good news these days. Our media is full of details about just HOW BAD things are. I don’t know about you, but there are times when all of this pessimism gets me down. I have a sister who copes by (apparently) ignoring it all. I don’t know if she reads, listens to the radio or watches television, but she is as happy as a clam-full of love for everyone and everything. But I don’t believe that escapism or ignorance is the answer. I spoke in a recent sermon of our conundrum of having no choice but to wait for God-wait for God’s will to be done on earth and eventually-wait for God to take each one of us home.
In the meantime, I need to hear some good news-right now. Do you feel the same? I will post some articles (from Real Simple Magazine, Diane, and Oprah) about women and men who have perspectives that may help us realize that good news IS still there-for us and our loved ones. But I would like each of you to come to our next Gathering or post in the “Comments” section of the blog site some good news. This can be something encouraging within your family or set of friends or from a media website or ?
Our world is filled with bad and good-as it always has been. For the entire history of mankind on earth, there have been wars and conflict of many kinds. Every generation has sought better things for their children and in many cases, lived to see their dreams realized. But every generation has felt some pain and I guess that is a good sign…for at least we care not only for ourselves, but for those who come after us. We’ve dealt with life’s tragedies and triumphs in our Gatherings. This Gathering will be a celebration of the beauty present in our world. Please join us for an uplifting of our hearts and minds.
Until then, may God bless you all,
Pam+

Finding Blessings 8-27-11 Agape

Filed under: Posts by Pam, Study Material

Heroines

The Rev. Pamela Henry Fahrner — Wed, 13 Jul 2011 16:23:50 +0000

When we hear stories of successful women throughout the ages, we sometimes feel that their accomplishments are somehow out of our reach. We suspect they posses(ed) some extra gift of courage or luck or gumption. Today we will look at some heroines-both from the past and the present. As you will see, they have affected our world greatly. I have a plaque on my kitchen wall that says “Well behaved women seldom make history”. And it’s true that if we remain “nice girls, quiet, obedient and subservient”, we will most likely, leave this world with no marks. Last gathering, we talked about our role as mentors. As we interact with our daughters or daughters-in-law, our sons and our grandchildren, we have opportunities to affect not only now, but the future. Our generation of women have made amazing strides, but there still is a long way to go. The women we will discover in our background material did not settle for the status quo. When they encountered injustice, they spoke up! The more contemporary women offer advice “recipes for success”. See if you agree…
Our next Agape Gathering is Saturday, July 23rd at St. Matthew’s Episcopal Church in Oakland. Please join us if you can. Bring a friend or neighbor is you wish. They are welcome as well. Oh-one more thing. I thought that we’d take a look at our church bulletins and see how much we have in common (or not!) in our services. So-please bring a bulletin from your church so we can compare and learn!

7-23-2011 Agape Success Stories

God bless each of you and our beautiful summer,

Pam+
*note: Our background material came from Real Simple Magazine

Filed under: Study Material

“So God created humankind in his image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them.” Genesis 1: 27

The Rev. Pamela Henry Fahrner — Fri, 20 May 2011 15:46:00 +0000

“God saw everything everything that he had made, and indeed, it was very good.” Gen 1:31. Some experts claim that most of our problems (of mankind in general) are that of a lack of self-esteem. “They” state that the quest for power and greed is really a quest to feel better about ourselves. Women, with society telling us that our appearance is all important, are particularly sensitive to issues about our looks. As we age, society is particularly hard on us as images of the young and beautiful are thrown in our faces. It seems as though we just get to the point of knowing who we are and what we want and then we start falling apart!
This Gathering, we will discuss how we see ourselves, our bodies and our feelings about aging. This year and last, we have focused on life passages. Saturday, May 28th we will talk about the fact that God did create us and stated that we were “good”. When we depreciate ourselves, are we not accepting God’s view of us, his creation? Look over the background material and see if it resonates with you. Most of the material comes from Real Simple Magazine, one of my favorites! I look forward to seeing you and apologize for the Memorial Day weekend scheduling. I would have changed it, but this year am resisting the temptation.
God bless you all,
Pam+

5-28-2011 Agape Back Mat

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We can all imagine

The Rev. Pamela Henry Fahrner — Mon, 04 Apr 2011 13:22:23 +0000

what it would be like to have a spouse become ill or die from an illness. What are the realities of the situation from the inside looking out? But are our imaginations correct? We have all had friends and relatives lose someone dear. How do we best respond? What things are truly helpful? Do we show up with meals? Offer meals? How can we avoid saying something hurtful? Where is the line between allowing privacy or intruding? What are the unexpected results when troubles hit? What are the blessings?

To learn from those who have or are facing these issues, we have a panel of women who have first hand experience. Thanks to their generosity of spirit, they will share their lives with us when we gather on this coming Saturday, April 9th at 10 AM at St. Matthew’s Episcopal Church in Oakland. For this gathering, there is no homework! Do give these issues some thought however and come prepared with questions for these gifted women. Carole Perez, our own Ellen Fritz and Sue Kellam have graciously agreed to give us an insider’s view into this life passage that many of us will face. Come and see. Bring your friends so we as women, can look down this road and be better prepared and more knowledgable. We can be better prepared and informed as well in the delicate dance of being a true friend to a dear one when troubles strike.

I look forward to seeing you as spring teases us! If you cannot join us, please accept my wishes for you to have a beautiful and blessed Easter.

God bless,
Pam+

Filed under: Study Material